When the Champagne Lost its Fizz

 I have had a lot of trouble getting myself to write this post. As you've read in my last two, I had post-graduation plans to teach English in Thailand with my friend Elana. Then this happened:

United States of America Policy Holders

UPDATED: 21 May 2010

The Department of State recommends against travel to Bangkok and non-essential travel to the rest of Thailand at this time. 

The U.S. Embassy, including visa operations, was closed on Friday, May 14 and will be closed on Monday, May 17.   If security issues persist, the U.S. Embassy may continue to close.  American Citizen Services (ACS) will be available for emergencies only. The emergency after-hours telephone number is 66-2-205-4000.

Policy holders planning to travel to or in Thailand:

As per the general exclusions section of the policy wording, policies insured with Jefferson or BCS Insurance Company are not covered for any loss that results directly or indirectly from war (declared or undeclared), acts of war, military duty, civil disorder or unrest.

Contact us:

For further enquiries, please contact World Nomads Claims USA 1.800.654.1908 (toll free within US) or +1.804.281.5700 (Collect) or email AssistanceGroup@MondialUSA.com

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 It began near the end of my junior year in college. I had just spent the last semester living in Perugia, Italy and traveling with friends throughout the country and the continent. It was a life-changing experience that, even after five months, I wasn't ready to give up. I have family in Italy who invited me to stay with them for the summer free of charge. My parents were totally on board, but on one condition: I must find a job and generate some income.

It was Spring 2009, and the economy was at an all-time low. Both my father and stepmother lost their jobs. Especially with the Euro still weighing out almost to 1.4 to the U.S. dollar, now was not the time to be living off my last bit of savings and certainly not theirs. So I began looking into options, mainly au pair and teaching positions. However, my family lives in a very small village in Tuscany where I would not be able to get around without a car. It became more of a stress than a possibility. So after a few short weeks with them, I reluctantly packed my bags and headed back to the U.S.

It was a tough transition resuming my life in America. For one, I do not have my own car, which was never a problem in Perugia but I can't exactly walk for miles down Route 35 to get to work every day in Jersey. Not to mention, every time I did get into a car -- the backseat, in particular -- I became carsick from not being used to it. I also found it hard to sustain energy throughout the day without "La Pausa" -- the couple of hours in the middle of the day for lunch and rest. Our fast-paced culture became hard to integrate into my life again. I already have a slight tendency toward being late, so you can only imagine what a couple months in Italy did to exacerbate that problem. All this, and the fact that much of my outlook and attitude changed, just added to my longing to return. 

So when we started our senior year in August,  my roommates and I had a bunch of friends over our place to kick off the "beginning of the end." We went around and all talked about where we saw ourselves after this year was up. Most people had no clear plans and were very worried about that. Until now, our entire lives have been planned out for us: elementary school, high school, college; school, winter break, school, summer, school. But once college is over, you're on your own to choose what's next. There is no one answer for you, and definitely no answer that is right for everyone. It is the first time you really have to ask yourself: "What do I want to do? Where do I see myself in the next few years?" It's scary.

When it was Elana's turn, she talked about how much she loved being abroad and was not ready to come home when it was over. We were the only two people, it seemed, who could've stayed well past the end of our programs. She mentioned that she had been talking to one of her friends from Amsterdam (where she studied) who taught English in Thailand and had an incredible experience. She said she was thinking about looking into it, but didn't really want to go alone and asked if I was interested.

Our plans started off loosely, but upon our return from winter break things really took off. We had picked a city (Chiang Mai), a certification program (Text and Talk Academy), made a number of contacts who gave us wonderful advice on finding an apartment and things to do, and purchased a flight to depart on September 8, 2010. After countless hours on the phone with STA Travel (a great airline for student travelers), we planned a stopover in Amsterdam for a few days to break up the 18-hour flight, which required an additional stopover in Cairo, where we then planned to stay a few more days because, well, why not?

Then just before it came time for graduation, civil unrest -- riots, open fire on civilians -- in Thailand flooded newspapers and TV stations. What are the odds that a country who has a reputation for it's peaceful culture and kindness to foreigners would break out into civil war just months before I planned to go there? It's almost laughable.

Actually, it is laughable. 

We said we'd wait it out and see what happened, but when things did not seem to be getting any better by mid-summer my parents told me they would not allow it. And, unfortunately, I did not have sufficient funds to pay for the flight and certification program upfront on my own. So, as my dad said, any time there is something that requires your parents' financial support, it is no longer a personal decision.

On September 8, Elana departed for our trip alone. She had to alter her plans a bit because she was not prepared to go alone, but she made it work and is now teaching English in a small town a couple of hours outside Bangkok. After I read the first long message she sent me after she'd been in Bangkok, I cried. I am so proud of her yet cannot help being jealous (which she knows) as I sit here with an indefinite future ahead of me. But I know that there is something out there for me. I just have to keep searching. 

If anyone is interested in more information on how to organize a trip to teach abroad, please contact me. I'd be happy to help or write a post breaking down the details!

Here are the links to some of the sites we used:

* General Information: http://www.transitionsabroad.com/listings/work/esl/thailand.shtml

*Text and Talk Academy: http://www.teflteachthai.com/

* STA Travel: http://www.statravel.com/

Home... is where I wanna be..

I wish I felt that place it must be that the "Heads" are talking about.

Our favorite high school kids from The Breakfast Club discovered during their Saturday detention that everyone's home life is unsatisfying; otherwise, we'd all live with our parents forever. Don't get me wrong, I am very fortunate to have a roof over my head and a family that can provide for me to stay, but I've gotta go. And I know a lot of you are feeling that too.

That is the problem when the house you grew up in no longer feels like your home, when you are no longer the person you were when you lived there, and when the people there don't know the whole you, you've come to be in college. You become used to your life at school, surrounded by friends and a whole community of people who have watched you develop independently into the person you are today.

I learned a lot about myself in college, and I can't help but feel like I am regressing now as I am sleeping in the bed where I slept, and driving the streets that I drove, when I was in high school.

My friend Nicole put our conflict best after a night out with our college friends in NYC. She said, "I just don't want to go home. Can't we just stay?"

Well, no. It's not so simple.

You want to leave, but you're tight on money. You try to find a job, so you're waiting around. Maybe you apply to some jobs in other cities: L.A., San Fran, Chicago, Boston, D.C... but you hardly get any responses. You know you can always find a minimum wage job in another city. Take my friend Anna, for example, who is an aspiring actress from Maryland. She knows she needs to be in New York for her career to take off, so she's working as a hostess while she goes out on auditions... and she's doing great!

Or, take me. I want to move to Portland so badly. I could easily just go there, find another health food store and do exactly what I am doing here, there (sorry, Dean's). This is a great option for people who need to be somewhere for their ideal job, or who would gladly sacrifice their ideal job for a more satisfying environment. If you are that type of person, I really do suggest you look into it. I know many people who are very happy doing just that.

And it is something I considered. When a few of my friends and family members wanted to move into NYC and wanted me to join, I seriously contemplated just saying "screw it" and making it work. But while it was a very attractive offer, I realized that I don't want to work my ass off at a minimum wage job and struggle to make ends meet just so I can call the city home. I am tired of my job now. I can only imagine how much that might kill my zest for city living, and how much my writing would suffer...

As British author Samuel Johnson said of London, "I suggested a doubt, that if I were to reside in London, the exquisite zest with which I relished it in occasional visits might go off, and I might grow tired of it."

Yet all that aside, the only thing that truly makes me crazy right now is that I knew before I graduated -- I knew in September of my senior year, even -- that I would be unhappy doing this. I knew that if I were at home, searching for a mediocre job, I would be so beyond dissatisfaction that I would start to feel stuck. And guess what? I am; which is where the teaching in Thailand idea came from (that, and the fact that both Elana and I were obsessed with our semesters abroad). I know I still have yet to get into that with you, but I will get there, I promise.

All you need to know for now is that I have not given up. There are so many options for you if you love to travel, and you shouldn't rule any of them out. It's impossible to know exactly what you'll learn about yourself by pushing yourself out of the comfort of home, but I can guarantee that it will be more than you ever imagined.

I'll leave you with that for now. Enjoy this wonderful day, and go for a walk if you can. It's just fabulous outside.

Last night I went out to dinner at Kaya's Kitchen (a great vegan/vegetarian place that recently moved to Belmar) with some friends from work.

Two things I should fill you in on before I continue: 1. I do have a job; and 2. It's at a health food store (Dean's Natural Food Market) in my hometown. So you've got the picture -- a group of people gathered around an assortment of meat imitations.

I arrived 25 minutes late (typical of me) and wasn't even the last one there... it was going to be a great night.

We all got together to celebrate Jordan, one of my coworkers, and his venture out west to Portland, Oregon. The news was a big deal to me, not only because Jordan is my friend, but 'cause I have been fixated on the idea of moving to Oregon since my sophomore year in college when I became friends with an Oregonian. And another thing you should know is that I spend a fair amount of my spare time researching the city of Portland--all its different neighborhoods and features--especially when I am having a tough time at home, feeling like I'm in a rut. 

 Needless to say, I took Jordan's news as a sign, and I was very excited to hear all about his impending trip.

When we sat down to talk, he told me that he decided to move to Portland just two months ago, and that he is going to stay in a live-work space for artists. That was my second sign.

About a year and a half ago (maaan, time flies!), I reluctantly came back home to New Jersey after studying abroad for 5 months. A year ago, my friend Elana and I started talking about our shared need to go back, and decided to teach English in Thailand. There is a lot more to that story, and I will go there another day; for now, it is important only because it was the first time that I heard about artist live-work spaces.

Elana found that there was an Artists' Commune located near the city we were looking to live in Thailand and thought it might be something I would be interested in. Now, literally a year later, serving vegetable juices and other organic goodness to the masses of Monmouth County, I have rekindled that idea, realizing I need a way out of here; I need to see the world, and an average desk job isn't going to give that to me.

So I started researching.

I found the Alliance of Artists Communities at http://www.artistcommunities.org/about-aac and read through 35 pages of places I could go to live and work on my writing across the country, and throughout the world. What I found was incredible. There are places where you can stay for one weekend or for three years. You can pay to go wherever you would like, or you can apply to a program that works like a fellowship and stay for free. You can go to the center of NYC and LA, or you can go to the middle of the dessert in a National Park, or in a secluded cabin in the woods or a house on the ocean. Before I knew it, I had spent 11 hours straight in front of my computer googling residencies and cities.

My first list of choices was 3-pages long in my Moleskine, chosen strictly on places I wanted to go. My second list was of 13 places in the U.S. (I decided I should live somewhere else in this country before I go live somewhere else abroad again) that I could go for free or for an affordable cost. My final list was three.

I narrowed it down to three places that offer either fellowships or a work-exchange, whose length is a couple of months to start, and offer enough social interaction for me not to go crazy but enough seclusion to focus on my work. All three are also places that give great support to their writers and, while they welcome emerging writers and artists, they are profession-oriented; meaning, they have professionals come work with you and/or have many connections and success stories coming out of their programs.

The final three are: The Norman Mailer Center (Provincetown, MA), Fine Arts Work Center (Provincetown, MA), and Sitka Center for Art and Ecology (Otis, OR).

I have spent the last few weeks working on my applications--applying to these programs is like applying to college all over again--and am just about done.  Along the way, I had a lot of trouble downloading the Norman Mailer Center's application, and found through contact with their staff that it was no longer an affordable option for me. So, I am down to the latter two, and I am very optimistic and excited. I am still looking into finding a third place, but am just about set with all my info for the FAWC and Sitka. I recently attended the Dodge Poetry Festival in Newark, NJ with my best friend, Nicole, and we heard an outstanding black poet who teaches at a small college in Staten Island, and who, I noticed in his bio, attended the Fine Arts Work Center. Another sign?

I hope so. I really hope this is just what I need. And in the meantime, I bid my talented friend Jordan the best of luck in this very exciting next step in his life as an artist and a person. I cannot wait to see how he is doing and what he is creating out there. And, luckily for me, I have someone to stay with and show me the ropes when I head out west too... hopefully soon.

Intro

I have been trying to start this blog since I graduated college...

That was five months ago. 

The idea was to speak to my fellow recent grads -- the ones who aren't on their way to Med school, or Law school, or any school; the ones who don't have jobs lined up, no one dying to hire them, and, like me, probably haven't gotten a single response from employers to the countless resumes, cover letters, writing samples, monetary bribes, and organs I've sent.

If this describes you too, you are not alone. I'm writing this to try to show you that you are not alone. There is nothing wrong with not knowing exactly, or even at all, what you want to do with your life yet. In fact, I believe that it is asking a lot of us to make such a weighted decision for something that (whether we'd like to admit it) we know nothing about yet. All you have to do is want to learn, be willing to explore and to take risks. As long as you do that, you will discover something new about yourself every day. And, the more you discover about yourself, the closer you are to figuring out what to do next.