Home... is where I wanna be..

I wish I felt that place it must be that the "Heads" are talking about.

Our favorite high school kids from The Breakfast Club discovered during their Saturday detention that everyone's home life is unsatisfying; otherwise, we'd all live with our parents forever. Don't get me wrong, I am very fortunate to have a roof over my head and a family that can provide for me to stay, but I've gotta go. And I know a lot of you are feeling that too.

That is the problem when the house you grew up in no longer feels like your home, when you are no longer the person you were when you lived there, and when the people there don't know the whole you, you've come to be in college. You become used to your life at school, surrounded by friends and a whole community of people who have watched you develop independently into the person you are today.

I learned a lot about myself in college, and I can't help but feel like I am regressing now as I am sleeping in the bed where I slept, and driving the streets that I drove, when I was in high school.

My friend Nicole put our conflict best after a night out with our college friends in NYC. She said, "I just don't want to go home. Can't we just stay?"

Well, no. It's not so simple.

You want to leave, but you're tight on money. You try to find a job, so you're waiting around. Maybe you apply to some jobs in other cities: L.A., San Fran, Chicago, Boston, D.C... but you hardly get any responses. You know you can always find a minimum wage job in another city. Take my friend Anna, for example, who is an aspiring actress from Maryland. She knows she needs to be in New York for her career to take off, so she's working as a hostess while she goes out on auditions... and she's doing great!

Or, take me. I want to move to Portland so badly. I could easily just go there, find another health food store and do exactly what I am doing here, there (sorry, Dean's). This is a great option for people who need to be somewhere for their ideal job, or who would gladly sacrifice their ideal job for a more satisfying environment. If you are that type of person, I really do suggest you look into it. I know many people who are very happy doing just that.

And it is something I considered. When a few of my friends and family members wanted to move into NYC and wanted me to join, I seriously contemplated just saying "screw it" and making it work. But while it was a very attractive offer, I realized that I don't want to work my ass off at a minimum wage job and struggle to make ends meet just so I can call the city home. I am tired of my job now. I can only imagine how much that might kill my zest for city living, and how much my writing would suffer...

As British author Samuel Johnson said of London, "I suggested a doubt, that if I were to reside in London, the exquisite zest with which I relished it in occasional visits might go off, and I might grow tired of it."

Yet all that aside, the only thing that truly makes me crazy right now is that I knew before I graduated -- I knew in September of my senior year, even -- that I would be unhappy doing this. I knew that if I were at home, searching for a mediocre job, I would be so beyond dissatisfaction that I would start to feel stuck. And guess what? I am; which is where the teaching in Thailand idea came from (that, and the fact that both Elana and I were obsessed with our semesters abroad). I know I still have yet to get into that with you, but I will get there, I promise.

All you need to know for now is that I have not given up. There are so many options for you if you love to travel, and you shouldn't rule any of them out. It's impossible to know exactly what you'll learn about yourself by pushing yourself out of the comfort of home, but I can guarantee that it will be more than you ever imagined.

I'll leave you with that for now. Enjoy this wonderful day, and go for a walk if you can. It's just fabulous outside.